Life is Messy, But It's Okay

Tis the season for commencement speeches! High schools, colleges, and universities all proudly march their current graduates into auditoriums, football fields, and stadiums for that last pomp and circumstance of their proud school traditions. Here the graduates, along with their proud families and revered friends get to listen to esteemed counsel and advice at this precipice, the beginning of the rest of their lives.

The speakers consist of people of different ages and situations, some older, some younger, some established members of the community, some are just graduating themselves. Some speeches are given by well-known celebrities and other professions.

We don't remember most of these speeches. In the moment, they provide moments of warmth and pride and reflection. But eventually the moment and the feelings fade.

But some of these commencement speeches touch listeners' hearts so profoundly that they want to share with others. Sometimes a speech goes, in today' culture, viral.

I would like to share part of a commencement speech of a man who started his schooling at a community college and went on to give the commencement speech at a university. He had many adversities and struggles, many of them self-inflicted. 

I found this speech on a news site. Here is the excerpt:

"My life mostly consisted of chasing whatever numbed me the fastest. I drank heavily, I used drugs, I neglected my relationships and my family, and I paid no attention to the warning signs that were everywhere in my life. Eventually, everything collapsed. I lost my job, my marriage ended, I had no stability, and I spent years in addiction, homelessness, repeatedly going to jail, and in a state of mind I can only describe as simply existing."

Then, while sitting in a jail cell, he discovered he was going to be a father. It was a moment that changed everything for him.

"Having my son meant that I now have someone that depends on me. Someone that looks up to me. And I needed him to see what hard work, discipline and responsibility look like. And that led me back to school."

So, he returned to a community college with a 1.67 GPA and an academic probation contract — something that he said: "measured how lost I had been."

But he put his head down, got to work, and went on to earn two associate's degrees — one in psychology and one with honors in social work — before transferring to the university. His next goal is law school, where he hopes to advocate for smarter policies on criminal justice reform.

"I'm telling you my story to show you that life does not move in straight lines. Life is messy. There are going to be times when you wonder if you're on the right path, where the effort might not seem worth it, where quitting feels like it's the only option left. I know those feelings well, and not only is it okay, it's human. If you ever find yourself in a time where everything feels hopeless, just remember, keep showing up, because no matter how impossible things feel, the lowest point in your life might be the moment your real story begins." 

I am sharing this because every sentence in the last paragraph also applies to us. Those of us wrestling with UC and Crohn's.

Life is messy. Even if we're a neat freak (guilty), our lives can suddenly be dumped on by a mess or simply slide slowly into it and there's nothing we can do about it. 

When we first start experiencing symptoms, suddenly the familiar path we've been traveling becomes unrecognizable and difficult to traverse. We go from knowing where we are going to not knowing anything about the path ahead.

The speaker says, "the effort might not seem worth it, where quitting feels like it's the only option left." I have never felt that way with my UC, but I have felt that way about other things in my far distant past. It's nice that the speaker reminds us that these feelings are human. But then he goes on to remind us to keep showing up (when we can) and that even when we're at our lowest, it could be a beginning.

As always, being in a flare is a whole different matter. It is easy to think then, "I can't do this anymore." When that happens, odds are we have tried several medications that turned out not to work and are continuing to search for the one that will. As that takes time, it can be very discouraging.

But the speaker says, where everything feels hopeless, keep showing up and know that a beginning is coming. 

Life is messy. It is also full of beginnings, becomings, and more beginnings. Where we are today is not where we will always be. Let's keep showing up! 

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026 

 

Health Update, May 2026: My Body Misses My VR Device

Well, I am still doing well. We had a lot of family visit this past month and I was able to join in all of the activities. I am grateful for that. 

Because of all of the different things going on, I have not been able to do my VR exercises regularly. What surprises me is how much I have felt the difference. My muscles feel weaker, my balance seems just slightly off, and I feel more tired overall. I hope to start up again next week, and I am very curious if I start feeling more solid again.

Previous update: April 2026, My New Doctor and I Don't See Eye to Eye

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026

Please Read This if You Have Family Members or Friends With UC or Crohn's

I ran across this article titled, "The Quiet Bravery of Showing Up." It is on the Girls With Guts blog and was written by someone named Emily, although I could not find her last name.

This is the first paragraph of Emily's article:

"It takes courage for people living with a chronic illness to simply “show up.” Whether this means going to work, getting out of bed, having coffee with a friend, or just existing in a world that doesn’t see their daily struggle, this is the kind of courage that isn’t visible to the naked eye. There is a disconnect between outward appearance and inward reality. Showing up, whether it’s physically, emotionally, or socially, requires energy, pain management, and emotional resilience that most people never see."

As I read the rest of her article, I realized that everything the author wrote about herself also could apply to me. (Except where she says she is not a quiet person and quite extroverted. I am introverted.) It's like we sat down together and had a heartfelt conversation and she wrote about our shared experiences.

When I'm in a flare, it is extremely painful and miserable because I'm losing so much blood, other fluids (diarrhea), and can barely eat. Of course, when I'm in remission, I am doing much better, including feeling better overall. 

However, being in remission does NOT mean I am back to normal. While some UC patients do reach a high level of normalcy, I will never be completely normal again, energy-wise. 

Perhaps the reason is because of my age. Most ulcerative colitis patients are much younger than me. It could be that my body and mind have difficulty dealing with BOTH UC and aging. Or I guess there could be something completely unrelated to UC going on with my body. 

Regardless, I don't have the energy I used to have, physically, emotionally, or socially. My energy tank is much smaller than it used to be. Fatigue comes sooner in the day. (Actually, more fatigue.) Sometimes it feels like I'm emotionally flattened out and when that happens, I just can't handle a lot.

Socially, it is not any better. When I interact with people, whether it be family, friends, or acquaintances, depending how I'm feeling, even if it is with people I enjoy being with, I sometimes am counting the minutes until I can be home again. I could slide into being a hermit so easily. I do make myself interact with others, but sometimes, it feels overwhelming. I never know how I am going to feel day to day. 

For example, a few days ago I woke up and felt okay. Not fully charged, but okay. 

But as I started to do my virtual reality tennis on my VR device (my source of exercise), my shoulder immediately started to ache. I didn't do the tennis very long, and moved to the second exercise I normally do, but then realized that my arms felt heavy and were aching, along with my neck and shoulders. I cut my exercise session short. 

In addition to my aching body, I also had slight nausea and my brain was kind of fuzzy. It felt like I had the shakes, even though I was not visibly shaking. Luckily, there was nothing I had to do that day so I just hung out on the couch.

But if there was somewhere I needed to be or had something that I needed to do that day, despite how I felt, I would have had to "show up." I would have looked just fine, but I was far from fine that day.

Keep in mind, I was having none of the usual UC symptoms. I am in remission!  But when you have a chronic condition, your body is constantly on, constantly fighting. And I think that, sometimes, in one way or another, your body just semi-shuts down for awhile.

In her article, Emily says,"It’s one thing to show up physically, to be seen. But showing up emotionally? That takes a different kind of strength entirely."

That is the hardest part. Not being able to be there emotionally for loved ones and friends. For my husband, my sibling. My grown children. My grandchildren!

One of my hobbies is building Lego. I have several grandchildren who enjoy playing with Lego. I gave one of my granddaughters a Lego set for her birthday. She was thrilled. But then she asked, "Grandma, will you build this with me?"

Oh, how I wanted to say yes! How I wanted to pull up a chair and start sorting through those colorful bricks, while smiling at her anticipating face! 

But, oh, how I could not. I was so tired that day, physically and mentally. All I could do was say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but I can't right now," and sorrowfully walk away.

It's still a painful moment.

But that painful moment perfectly makes the point. When you have UC or Crohn's, showing up is sometimes hard, often hard. No matter how much you truly want to be in that moment.

Emily ends her article with, "The next time you see someone you love with a chronic illness who is “just there,” remember that they may not be feeling the best and it took a lot to show up."  

I urge you to read Emily's article, especially if you have family or friends that have ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease, or any chronic condition, for that matter. Here is the link, again. Her excellent article will give you a little insight into why your family member or friend acts like they do, backs out of some activities, and may even seem to be missing or absent more than you'd like. Believe me, they are missing or absent more than they would like to be, too.

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026 

Health Update, April 2026: My New Doctor and I Don't See Eye to Eye

I am continuing to do well! But in my last month's update, I said that I had a follow-up appointment with my G.I. in about ten days to go over maintenance test results. My calprotectin number is 26, which is really good.

My appointment was going along just fine, but then my new G.I. said that he wanted to redo my blood tests AND stool test in six months, no matter how well I might be doing. I'm sorry, but . . . what???

He said testing every six months was standard operating procedure. Really? Then why did my previous G.I. only do blood tests once a year, and stool tests less than that, as long as I was doing well and my colonoscopy was clear? As a matter of fact, as long as I was doing well, my old doctor was very hand's off. He knew that if I started having any problems, I would be in his office so fast I would be a blur. And I liked it that way.

As long as I'm doing well, I do NOT want to repeat these tests every six months. This is an unnecessary waste of time and money. And I really hope my doctor is not requesting tests and a follow-up visit just for the money.

I see a serious confrontation coming soon.  

UPDATE: I asked my fellow UC people on Reddit about this testing-every-six-months standard operating procedure. I was promptly told that, yes, that is the standard, and I just need to buckle up and do it. I was also told that you can have inflammation but not have any symptoms, and that is why those tests are needed every six months. I still strongly disagree. Maybe I just time to get used to it.

Next update: May 2026, My Body Misses My VR Device 

Previous update: March 2026, Springtime is Coming!

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026

Will My Life Ever Be Normal Again?

The title question, "Will my life ever be normal again?" is a natural, human question we often ask ourselves after a painful life-changing event, no matter what it is. 

On the Reddit r/UlcerativeColitis thread, this question comes up a lot. It is often newly diagnosed patients, maybe a little (or a lot) scared and confused, who ask this. Sometimes it is people that have been diagnosed for several years but are still having severe symptoms because they have had trouble finding the right medication to get into remission. Sometimes it is asked by someone who is in a slight state of shock at their diagnosis and what has happened to them. Often the person asking is young and had plans and hopes for all the years still ahead of them that they now see crumbling away.

Let's consider the "normal" question. There is no definitive answer because every person and every diagnosis is different. For example, some people that I have seen ask this question say that they used to work out a lot, spend time in the gym, eat healthy, was a vegetarian or full vegan, had an active social life, or went drinking with friends. They want to know, will I be able to exercise again? Eat vegetables or spicy food, travel, drink, hike, date, have a relationship, or any number of other things?

Then there are people like me. I was never a "healthy" eater, but I wasn't a junk eater, either. I exercise some, but certainly not at the gym level. I'm not big on socializing, don't drink, have never been able to eat spicy food, and I'm married, thus dating is not a worry. So my back-to-normal expectations were nowhere near as lofty as others.

There may be some adjustments. I've read that a lot of UC patients cannot drink alcohol anymore. But they've also said that after getting used to that, they are much healthier in other ways because of it and grow to think of it as a positive.

Some people do have to rethink what they eat. But not all have to do that. When I'm in remission or approaching remission, I can eat almost anything. I haven't changed my diet hardly at all. The other side of that, though, is that when I am in a flare, ALL food causes problems. There is nothing I can eat that helps in a flare. I have to go straight to steroids.

So your normal could be having to change your whole diet, or change only some foods, or like me, change nothing at all.

Some UC / Crohn's patients achieve a partial remission with some continuing symptoms and think that is their new normal, not realizing that a partial remission leaves a lot of room for improvement. To reach the complete or mostly complete remission may require giving a medication more time to work or trying a different medication altogether.

The key word to getting back to normal is REMISSION. Remission, remission, remission! And in almost every diagnosis of UC or Crohn's, to get into remission you MUST go on lifetime medication.

Yes, that sounds scary. I understand. Suddenly you are dealing with constant medications, and not just regular medications, but specialized medications. That often means lots of time getting authorizations, trying to figure out payments and getting on possible payment reducing programs, going back and forth between your doctor's office, your insurance, and the pharmacy, sometimes for days at a time. But once that is done, you shouldn't have to worry about it for awhile. 

Some people have trouble remembering to take their medication everyday, and that can (and will) cause problems. This, I do not understand. Between my prescriptions and vitamins and minerals, I take nine pills a day. (At one point, I was taking seventeen pills.) I take them at the same time everyday, with all three of my meals and then when I brush my teeth at night. Because I take them at the same time, I don't have to give them much thought.

I know, some of you reading this (if there's anyone reading this!) are probably thinking, "But how can having to take medications EVERY SINGLE DAY be normal? If I have to think about it every day, my life won't be normal any more!" 

Here's the thing. Incorporating medications into your life may seem awkward and annoying, and adds just one more thing you have to do. But eventually, it will get to the point where it will start to feel normal and you won't even think about it. 

Pick the same time of day or evening to take your meds. That will help enormously to keep track of things. Taking your medications will become a habit, like brushing your teeth, taking a shower, or getting dressed. 

Here's the second thing. Those meds that you're thinking will keep your life from ever being normal again, are the very things that will eventually help your life be normal again! I've read where some UC patients reach remission so well they can run marathons. Or work out at the gym again. Or travel. Or hike. Or whatever! 

But that will not happen without your daily medications. 

It will also not happen without one other thing . . . TIME. We are used to going to our doctor for an illness, getting antibiotics or some other medication prescribed, taking the prescription and in a few days we are feeling better. 

That will not happen with ulcerative colitis or crohn's disease. It takes anywhere from three to six weeks, sometimes longer, to see if a medication is working for you. If it doesn't, then you have to try another medication and wait another month or so. It's like two inches forward and one inch back. This will continue until you find a medication that will bring you into remission.

It could take awhile. 

It is so easy to feel doubt and despair during this time, especially because your symptoms will still be active. It's hard to wait for the light at the end of tunnel when you don't know how long the tunnel runs. This is when that question, "Will my life ever be normal again?" may burn deeply and painfully.

But this is also where we need to remember the answer to that question. 

Will my life ever be normal again? While there are always exceptions, for the vast majority of us, the answer is . . . Yes! 

It WILL take medication and time. The light will eventually break through the darkness and the tunnel will eventually come to an end. And yes, life will be normal (or mostly normal) again!

Here are two ulcerative colitis reddit members responding to someone who did a post about struggling with their UC and they asked how others were dealing with all of the pain and other symptoms. These are wonderful responses:

From hellokriss:
Honestly, in the grand scope of things and being diagnosed 16 years ago I've been dealing with it very well. The right medication goes a very, very long way and has let me enjoy huge chunks of time in remission and enjoying my life/hobbies. (Like 11 + 2 years of remission vs 3ish total years of flares.) 

From Solid_Reality:
Mesalamine is the first line of defence. As helloKrissi said, you'll eventually find the right medication and honestly you won't even know you have the disease anymore. Don't throw in the towel yet, you're just getting started on this journey and honestly, it will turn you into a better person. I've gained so much more empathy dealing with this disease for 18 years. You'll be okay. 

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026 

Health Update, March 2026: Springtime Is Coming!

Still doing well! I have a follow-up appointment with my new G.I. in about ten days to go over test results that he wanted done because I am a new patient for him. I'm okay with that because one of the tests is a stool test, and I haven't had a stool test done in four years, so it's probably past time for one.

In my January health update, I said that when I contacted my family doctor to let him know we had moved three hundred miles away, I was told that my red blood cells were larger than normal, my MCV (Mean Corpuscular Volume) levels were elevated, and I should be referred to hematologist. 

I saw my new family doctor last week and had new blood tests done. The numbers are about the same. But my new doctor thinks my numbers are most likely where they are because of my ulcerative colitis. (My numbers are a little off, not a lot.) So, we will keep a watchful eye and re-test in a few months and see what happens. 

I wish I wasn't so tired, but I'm not as bad as some people. And the warm weather is coming, which the warmer sun and longer light usually invigorates me physically and mentally. So . . . come on springtime!

Next update: April 2026, My New Doctor and I Don't See Eye to Eye 

Previous update: February 2026, When Looking Young Gives One Pause 

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026

You Might Have Ulcerative Colitis If . . .

You’ve read them. Or heard them. The lists that say, “You might have (blank) if you (blank),” or “You know you (blank) if you . . .)

I heard a list called “You Know You Live in New England If . . .”, with the line, “you keep a snow scraper in your trunk all year long.” After living there for a couple of years, I laughed very hard at that one because it is so true!

A Reddit contributor on the r/UlcerativeColitis thread came up with a “You Might Have UC If . . .” I have reprinted it here, with permission from the original poster. (Possibly-deranged) I have also included some of the responses that people posted and added a few of my own.

I hope you find something here that makes you smile!

You Might Have UC If...

The only diary you keep chronicles the food you ate and its consequences the next morning, and you're meticulous on updating and analyzing it.

You know what the Bristol stool chart is and know your number.

You hold the household's gold metal in the 3 meter bathroom dash, all while skillfully jumping over, around, and tackling anything in your path.

You discover a floater carelessly left behind and experience poop envy and not disgust.

You know where every area bathroom is, how clean it is, and the all important how long you'll have until someone knocks.

You trust a gut gurgle even less than a used car salesman or politician.

You know a fart in public is like playing Russian Roulette.

Your medication cabinet and kitchen counter space is more extensive than a pharmacy, with drugs and supplements that no one has ever heard of.

You take the dog for a walk, and both end up pooping in the bushes. (Oh, you thought the doggy poop bags were for my dog's poop?)

When everyone knows your name at the doctor's office (or pharmacy) when you walk in, (like the old tv show Cheers).

You keep a flashlight in your toilet areas. (Embarrassed_Media)

You mapped out in your head where you can stop during your work commute or road trip or any trip involving a car. (Educational-Cookie51 )

You analyze whether or not you can go out without having to poop in the middle of the trip and know where every bathroom is in place you’ve been too more than once. (Quincy_Hater )

A portable bidet is part of your EDC (every day carry). (itscrunchtime )

Being excited to talk about a good poop then instantly remembering no one else wants to talk about poop. (Dur-gro-bol )

You pay for a gym membership and treat it more like a public restroom than a workout area. (pooptrackerIBS )

You’re a grown person but you keep adult diapers handy in your closet and car, just in case. – me

You carefully examine your stool after every bowel movement looking for evidence of whether your world is still good or about to fall apart. – me 

You have the PoopCheck app on your phone, just in case your own examination is not enough. - me (I do not have this app, but when I heard that there really was an app with this name, I had to put it on this list!) 

You read the ulcerative colitis Reddit thread almost every day. – me 

If I hear or think of any others, I will add them! 

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026 

Health Update, February 2025: When Looking Young Gives One Pause

Everything is good with my UC. I have an appointment with a family doctor in a month, so then I'll hopefully be able to find out what is going on with my blood.

I had my first appointment with a new G.I. doctor about three weeks ago (because we moved.) He's ordered blood tests and a stool test, which is not bad. I haven't had a stool test since I was first diagnosed four years ago. It's probably time.

But I have to say, he is young. At least he looks young. Like he's getting ready to take his driver's license exam.

He is also a bit . . . gung-ho? Excitable? Over the top? He reminds me of a student on the high school pep squad or cheerleader team trying to get the school body pumped up for a rival football game. Maybe I'm just used to my previous G.I. doctor who was older than me, but this new young doctor is a little hard to take. I'll wait and see if my lingering doubts about him persist or disappear. 

Next update: March 2026, Springtime is Coming! 

Previous update: January 2026, Why is There So Often a "However?"

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© Colitis Senioritis 2026

Why Words Matters (Guest Writer)

(From me): Words matter. Of course they do! A quick internet search provided these quotes from A.I. about the consequences of words:

• "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind." – Rudyard Kipling. 
• "Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble." – Yehuda Berg. 
• "A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever." – Jessamyn West. 
• "Words can inspire. And words can destroy." – Cochise (from "Ironweed"). 

Pretty strong reminders of the power we wield every time we open our mouths or write words that are meant to be read!

I've been thinking a lot about the words we use when talking about our ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease, or other chronic conditions. I was going to write a post about it, but then I came across this article by Kelly J., of the InflammatoryBowelDisease.net community. Her post is much better than what I could have written. There is no contact information on her article or profile, so I hope it is okay to post her article on my blog.

Here is the link to her article on the InflammatoryBowelDisease.net website, and here is the link to her profile where you can access other great articles she has written.

Here is Kelly J's article:  

Why Language Matters
By Kelly J.,September 17, 2019

When a celebrity is on the news for being diagnosed with something serious or they are speaking about it, there is often a sort of “backlash” that several of us experience a little bit every time language is used that doesn’t match how we identify with our illness(es).

Recently when Hollywood took note of Selma Blair’s multiple sclerosis (MS), there was an outpouring of support for her. But sometimes, when it was reported on websites and TV stations, the verbiage started to get to me. It wasn’t just this instance that bothered me.

I studied Health Education/Administration and worked a majority of my adult years working in developmental disabilities, memory care facilities and working in the patient-first field. Mind you, some of these studies were around 2008, for reference. I say this because person-first language and “politically correct” terms have changed very much. At some point, the person-first language you were always taught, the politically correct ways and 3rd person (I/me talk) turn into a language of its own! :)

Wording that we suffer from a condition

Usually when we see diseases reported on in media, (there's) a negative language fence around it. The main phrase I’m referring to is “suffers from”. Now, it is, to me, definitely not a choice of IF you suffer.

Do I often struggle with complications with Crohn’s disease? I absolutely do. When I’m explaining my diagnosis and symptoms to someone, I don’t open with “I suffer with/from Crohn’s disease”, although it DOES feel like that some of the time. I want to be completely honest with the person I’m talking to, educating or that has asked. I just prefer to hear/read “lives with”.

I won’t give a big emotional, motivational speech. We have zero control of when flares come and go, and the seriousness of IBD is often misconstrued on TV, film and especially in big Pharma commercials. We struggle sometimes. We suffer others. We pick ourselves up repeatedly, only to face more serious flares and potential surgeries, life-altering medications and side effects. Do I suffer? I absolutely do. And I can’t imagine anyone with the disease saying that suffering isn’t a part of this disease. But I also don’t need anyone to tell me that “the amount of suffering you feel is up to you”. It’s trash and I lose respect for people that try to kick me when I’m down with comments like that.

Choosing language carefully

The more careful we are about our language, the more the media will hopefully take into consideration how we would like to be “classified” as. I don’t want the label that I "suffer from" a condition because it affects the way that people treat me, the way they understand the disease, and how I handle my condition. By NO means am I not taking into consideration how others feel - please don’t misconstrue what I mean. So often in the media, we see images and hear stories about how people “suffer” from a disease. I feel that it labels us and puts us into a corner. We need to be more careful with the language we use in writing and verbally to ensure that people get an accurate portrayal of what life with Crohn's or colitis is like.

I prefer to read “lives with” when seeing anything on social media and in print, for the most part. Maybe you prefer something completely different. I’m not saying my way is the right way and I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s feelings or writing styles. I’m simply here to be a voice to the many people on this site who also don’t like to see verbiage like “suffer” when the public already has conflicting stigmas about inflammatory bowel disease. There is no sugar-coating living with perianal disease.

I realize there are going to be a lot of people that disagree with what I’m saying, but as someone who has lived with several diseases since youth, I want to be able to take control of how language is used when mentioning someone lives with a disease.

(What a great article! If you want to post a comment about Kelly J's article, click here and go to the end of the article. You will need to sign in.)

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