I recently ran across this very interesting article from CBS News Sunday Morning from March 31, 2023. The article is about an interview by Anthony Mason with Neil Diamond, singer and songwriter, about his 2018 diagnosis with Parkinson's Disease.
In the interview, after saying that he was in denial for several years, Mr. Diamond said the following:
“There’s no getting away from it. You can’t just say, okay,
enough already. Let’s get back to life. It doesn't work like that. This is the
hand that God's given me, and I have to make the best of it, and so I am. I am.
“But somehow, a calm has moved into the hurricane of my
life, and things have gotten very quiet, as quiet as this recording studio. And, I like it. I find that I like myself better. I’m easier on
people. I’m easier on myself. And the beat goes on, and it will go on long
after I’m gone.”
There is so much of what Neil Diamond said here that resonated with me. From the denial, to the "enough already!", to the realization that life often doesn't work how we want, to this is the hand that God's given me, to the make the best of it, to I'm easier on things and people, to . . . whatever the next step may be.
I realize that Mr. Diamond was not giving advice here, he was just talking about his thoughts and experiences with his condition. He probably had no idea that what he said might touch others that have also been diagnosed with chronic diseases.
But I think he mentioned an important part of when we are faced with a life-changing adjustment that we have no choice about, that is thrust upon us, ready or not.
That part is acceptance.
I wonder if sometimes we think that if we accept something, then it will be real. The reality, though, is that it IS real. And it is happening. Right now. And it is affecting us and those around us, whether we accept it or not. In fact, the longer we take to accept it, the longer we will feel the emotional and mental pain and outrage of our situation.
Denial can be a curious thing. When my mother was told she had bile duct cancer, she was told that she had about two months to live. There was nothing they could do because the tumor was too advanced for chemotherapy or radiation, and it was wrapped around her bile duct and a vital artery, so if they tried surgery, she would die immediately.
After hearing this awful news, my sister and I were talking with my mother and all she could talk about was having chemotherapy and then she would be fine in six months. We asked her where she heard this and she said the doctor told her.
We then spoke to the surgeon and repeated what she said. He said he absolutely did not say those things to our mother, and reiterated the reasons her cancer could not be treated.
My sister and I spent the next few days deciding what to do. My mother needed to accept that there would be no cancer treatment. End of life issues needed to be discussed and decisions made.
So we decided to face my mother, with her surgeon joining us. She was still in the hospital, recovering from the second of two surgeries. I don't remember how we said it or who said it, but we were direct with her, so she could not twist anything we said. She was surprisingly calm and agreed that we needed to make the most of the time we had.
My sister and I went into the hallway per the surgeon's request. He talked to us for a minute, left, and we returned to my mother's room.
She had slipped into a coma.
Medical personnel could find no reason for her comatose state. The only explanation we could think of was that she could not face the reality of her nearing death, so her mind just . . . turned off. It operated enough to keep her bodily functions alive, but that was it.
Over a week later she passed away, at the age of 49, two weeks after her cancer diagnosis. The irony is that six months earlier she told me that she had prayed to God to take her in her sleep because of how miserable her life was. She was so disappointed when she woke up and was still alive. Yet, when faced with dying soon, her mind could not face it and she shut down.
I fully realize that facing the death of a loved one or of one's self is one of the worst things we can face, but that we all have to eventually accept. But the point of the story of my mother's cancer is that our minds are immensely powerful and can cause all kinds of harm if we insist on and continue to deny the realities in our life. So much can be taken away or become worse. And sometimes it will cause the lives of our loved ones to become grueling and life-draining. All because we keep ourselves in denial.
I love where Neil Diamond says, "a calm has moved into the hurricane of my
life . . . I find that I like myself better. I’m easier on
people. I’m easier on myself."
Michael J. Fox, actor, was diagnosed with Parkinson's at the age of 29. He once said, “I
often say now I don’t have any choice whether or not I have Parkinson’s,
but surrounding that non-choice is a million other choices that I can
make.”
A million other choices that we can make. One of those choices is accepting or denying. One offers hope, engaging in living, remaining vital to those around us, continuing learning and growing even if we are not sure how, and maybe even being an example to someone. The other brings pain, bitterness, misery, a loss of perspective, a loss of will, and maybe even loss of life.
Which will you choose, not just for yourself, but for those who care about you, and for whatever good slices of life the future has for you?
Quotes:
“Sometimes
the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of
your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take a step.” — Naeem Callaway
“You
either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take
what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or
you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it
belongs to you.”
— Josh Shipp
"Sometimes when you are in a dark place you think you
have been buried, but you’ve actually been planted."
– Christine Caine, Australian
evangelist and public speaker
More quotes:
51 Powerful Quotes to Inspire Anyone Living with Chronic Illness
Other Posts
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