Becoming

I’ve never liked New Year's resolutions. They’ve always felt forced and contrived and seem to set us up for ultimate failure and guilt.

But there was something else awkward about them that I couldn’t put my finger on . . . until I saw a quote.

A few years ago, we attended the Bar Mitzvah of a friend’s child. It was my first time in a Jewish synagogue, so I was quite fascinated. While we waited for the meeting to start, I thumbed through one of the little books that were lined along the pews. The books had songs in them, but also quotes. A quote by Rabbi Norman Hirsh, in particular caught my attention:

“God disturbs us towards our destiny by events, and by freedom’s now urgent voice, which explodes and confirms who we are. We don’t like leaving. But God loves evolving. (From Book of Poetry “God Loves Becoming.’”)

The words, “evolving” and “becoming” were what stood out to me. I loved the idea of a life of “becoming.” Of course that is what we are all doing, but I’d never really thought of it in that way.

So here we are, at the beginning of another year, traditionally the time when we make New Year’s resolutions.

I realized that I don’t make New Year’s goals because I already have goals in progress. Some are short-term, some are long-term, and some are life-long goals that may take decades to reach fruition.

In other words, I’m always working on “becoming.” I just didn’t recognize or appreciate it.

Long after many New Year’s resolutions are forgotten, my resolutions, my goals, the “waypoints” on my journey to “becoming” will still be active and guiding my paths.

How does colitis fit into this? Of course, any chronic condition is yet another path on our earthly voyage. And all situations that require us to pass through difficult things like pain, fear, and the unknown will definitely change us. But what will they change us into? What will we “become?”

It depends on what we dwell on, where we decide to “live.” Do we live in the darkness of our disease or in the light of our hope? In the despair of our situation or the courage and potential of those good moments that are ahead or maybe even in the present but we don’t see?

Over the years I’ve known several people who have lived in the darkness of their lives (despite there being many good things) and ended up wrapped up in so many resentments that they “became” miserable. On the other hand I’ve known others who should have grown resentful and bitter because of life experiences, but who lived in hope and patience and “became” content, even happy.

New Year’s resolutions? Drops in our life buckets that can easily evaporate. Becoming? A wonderful lasting pursuit that is one of life’s sweet gifts, even if it sometimes comes by way of a chronic, painful condition.

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